Feeling Good

Dad went in for gall bladder surgery yesterday. He's up now, doing well. Praise be to Allah, or what-have-you. I went and visited him last night, where I found out the following:

1. My mom is really horrible. She had been caught in the hospital toilets earlier that day, smoking. On the other hand, it was her 60th birthday yesterday, and she was at the Alfred waiting for her husband to get out of surgery. I'd cut her some slack, but this is hardly an isolated incident.

2. My sister and her fiancee lost their cat a few weeks ago. We're all pretty upset about it. Riley was one of a pair of kittens my Mom took in. Riley went to my brother and I, but I was allergic. So Riley went and lived with Ilan and Jamie, who loved him very much. After he went missing, Mom gave Ilan and Jamie his brother, Nudnik. They'd had him for two days, when one of Ilan's idiot friends left the door open and he escaped. So now that's 2 cats that have gone missing for my sister. Not happy fun times. Also, Nudnik was legitimitely addicted to cigarettes. It sounds kinda cute, and it was for a while- we'd see him at my parents place, knocking over packets of smokes and feasting on the innards. Then we realized- he's been playing with and eating butts from ashtrays, and now he's addicted. Fuck.

3. My legs are getting better.

I had my first Omega Team meeting for quite a while yesterday. We basically all agreed that the project is in limbo, but no-one was too upset about it. We're gonna revisit the project in March/April.

I've been working on Estherella, the Purim spiel I'm writing. I'm actually enjoying it. It'll be accompanied by musical cues, sound effects and powerpoint slides, which is a medium that I think has a lot of potential. I've seen Dave Gorman pull it off well, and the photoshop stuff they do on The Daily Show and Late Night with Conan O'Brien is similar. If this goes well, I wanna start writing some more stage stuff in this medium...

Walking? Fuhgeddaboutit

BJJ takes it's toll. On Friday night, we were asked to do walking lunges around the studio. 300, to be exact. Then, we had to fireman-lift a colleague and carry him 10 times, back and forth, across the studio. Then, 5 x 8 minute rounds of wrestling.

I can't walk. Not an exaggeration. My quads are in a permanent state of being flexed, and walking down stairs is taking forever. I can't lift my leg to a 90 degree angle. It's so. Bloody. Sore.

I'm not too worried, because chances are it's just a bad case of D.O.M.S (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness). But that was Friday, and it's now Monday, and if anything, it's getting worse. If it hasn't started to go away in the next 48 hours, I might have to see a doctor.

Parents, don't let your children do 300 lunges.

Ruminations, etc.

I did away with news from The Economist. Because it was a stupid idea.

Anyway, I've been listening to a series of lectures on analyzing the 20th century. One particular subject has stuck in my craw and given me cause to ponder. That is, that after the war the ideas of Sigmund Freud became so popular. Particularly his notion that as mankind becomes ever more "enlightened" and "civilized", what he is in effect doing is suppressing his more animal instincts, creating more pressure, and more chance of a violent explosion. Which was useful in explaining how enlightened Europe erupted in bloodshed that would put modern day sub-Saharan Africa to shame.

I notice that these days, even psychoanalysts downplay Freud. Which is fine. It's always good for a new generation to break away from venerating the old. But the idea, I think, is sound- the more peaceful and tame we become, the more our animal instincts become twisted, violent and fetishized. A gun is a tool, but because they're so taboo, they become irrationally precious to some people. Things like that. I'm not sure exactly how to articulate this idea better.

Hrmm. Let's use sex, because who doesn't like to talk about sex? Ok, so let's say that within most men is a natural urge to dominate in sex. This transcends physicality, education and sexual preference.

Ok, so we sublimate that urge, by making it taboo, and insisting that men should suppress their urge to, well, hump everything. So pressure builds up, and explodes into the current sexual landscape- full of anti-social behaviour and oodles upon oodles of porn.

I dunno. i think it's an idea that doesn't need much proving. It seems quite self evident to me- that civilization seeks to suppress our more embarassing, but nevertheless ever-present instincts- and trades them off for a greater level of peace and quiet. However, it also trades off a useful release valve for some of the potentially harmful instincts, so that they get pushed down, and allowed to morph and change into anti-social behaviour.

Eh. too much thinking. Time to look at some porn.

Woe

Not feeling 1000% at the moment. Hasn't been a great start to the New Year. Here's a brief list of little niggling troubles.

1. Money. I'm about $8000 in the hole right now. I'll be out in a few months, but it just sucks right now. I'm behind on my rent.

2. Half of my house is in darkness. A fuse blew, leaving the half of my place with no lights. I can vaguely remember how to replace a fuse, but I want more than vague notions when dealing with volts.

3. I'm sore. From the Jiu Jitsu. I know this is a precursor to a positive thing, namely, getting in better shape. But still. I just sneezed, and my body seized up in agony. I'm not even farting quite right.

4. I have to start working on this Purim thing very soon, and I haven't a damn clue what I'm doing. I have a feeling the whole thing could end up being an enormous clusterfuck.

5. I was invited to dinner at my mother's next week, for her birthday. I haven't seen much of my folks for a few months now, and I'm not thrilled about seeing them at all. I've run out of patience with them, and it concerns me that that doesn't concern me.

And that's about it. So now the positive.

1. Things going well with Lana.

2. My house is very clean. Everything nice and tidy.

3. Working internet connection.

People have had worse. But that never exactly makes it ok, does it? Knowing that your situation, your troubles, are immaterial when sized up against the troubles of the rest of the world. I mean, my troubles are still enough to have me up at 3 am, unable to sleep (also, the heat).

Joey Jo Jo

On January 2nd, 2007, my very beloved friends Nadia and Ben brought a baby human into the world. Josephine Toukhsati Sullivan is a very healthy, 8 lb. baby. She's very cute. Not like, hot, but cute. Ma and Pa are doing well.

Nadia's my first close friend to have a kid. I was very nervous when we visited at the hospital, as I'm never sure what to say in situations as emotional as these. I always feel it my prerogative to talk as much as I possibly can. So I was riffing like Joe Piscopo the entire time, which must have been supremely grating to all around me. I wish I was a calmer soul. I even brought up the fact that I had taken up Jiu Jitsu. Why? Fucking, WHHHHYYY? WHO CARES? THERE'S A CLOSE FRIEND WITH BABY RIGHT HERE!

To bring it back to fekakte Jiu Jitsu again...last night Little Jake (the Jake who got me into it, not to be confused with Big Jake, another mate who also happens to be into wrestling) told me that I was very strong, and had good "explosive power". But he was quick to add that this was bad, very bad, as I might get a reputation for being aggressive, where I should be taking it very slow and working on technique. Being strong is a double edged sword- it gets you out of some less serious jams, but when you come up against someone who can counter it, it's just a good way to get all worked up and waste a lot of energy.

It did not take me long to apply this advice to my personal life.

I always come out of the gate quick. I'm always immediately in with the jokes, the energy, the chutzpah. And It's gotten me nowhere. I need to literally slow down. I need to breathe, and relax, and survey the terrain before proceeding- not just barrel in and rely on a sturdy back foot to get me out of trouble.

Fingers...hurting

Just came back from my second ever training session with the Jiu Jitsu. Holy cum. I nearly blacked out at one point.

I've fainted once. It was about 2 years ago. I was doing boxing at the time (no competition, just for fitness) and after one particularly intense session, passed out while paying for the class. That was bad. I woke up a few minutes later, with paramedics around me.

I've been working out, on and off, for years now. I generally go to the gym 2 or 3 times a week, and try to go hard- running, deep knee bends, weights, that sort of thing. But I never once had that feeling like I was going to pass out.

I had that feeling tonight.

After rolling around for 15 minutes or so with a guy about my size, I stood up and almost barfed. I walked around for a few seconds, before sitting and feeling the room spin. 10 minutes later, I was okay to go again. This time, I rolled with a guy about 7 feet tall (not an exaggeration) and about 100 kilos. He had me pinned within 30 seconds most of the time. He pulled this one move on me called a triangle hold- basically, he puts one leg around my neck, the other under my arm, and pulls my arm in across my throat to fucking kill me. That sucked in all sorts of ways.

The main thing that hurts is my fingertips. Gripping a Gi (or kimono, si vous prefere) hurts. I have to stop biting my nails, because it weakens them.

So I'm going back tomorrow night...

07

So the new year is here. I spent NYE watching cop movies with Dave. Awesome. For this, I missed a few parties. No regrets. Can you believe I had never seen a single Dirty Harry flick? Well, now I have. I feel warm and safe knowing that I'm in this brotherhood of man.

Here's some of the film/script ideas I hope to have in the bag in 365 days:

The Pact- 5 humans and 1 wolf make a pact at the tail end of the last ice age- to refuse death, forever. 40,000 years later, one of the humans chooses death, sending the rest of the group into a spiral of self doubt, as they evaluate their accomplishments.

The Benjamite- In Judah, a wealthy landowner is murdered, prompting calls for an investigation. King David is reluctant to investigate the crime, knowing that he stands to lose favour with the powerful Levites if they're found culpable- but he feels the pressure from his own tribe to act. Erez, a criminal from Benjamin, is called in by a deteriorating David to investigate the matter, leading Erez into the seamy underbelly of Biblical Israel.

I have a few other ideas battering around, but these are the two i want to work on this year, and ultimately, have under my arm when I go "Out There" into movieland. I'm dreaming, and I know it, but that's how it starts- with dreams. And hard work, from what I understand, but I'm hoping that's a myth.